You Too Can Profit From the Government Bailout!

October 28, 2008

We’re all going to have to pay off the $700 billion price tag for the new government bailout program (called TARP, “The Troubled Asset Relief Program”). It is comforting to know, however, that the money will only be spent where it is most needed and that no one is going to think about profiting off of our misery, right?

Not so fast. It turns out that businesses are already cropping up on how to profit from the taxpayer misery. A new internet seminar titled “The Troubled Asset Relief Program – A Special Webinar” is excitedly announcing:

“Investors have an unprecedented opportunity to profit from the turmoil created by the Troubled Asset Relief Program. Guidelines are being drawn that will govern the purchase of $700 billion of distressed securities and include an array of rules that will alter the way Wall Street does business.
This webinar delves deep into this critical mandate. This is your opportunity to hear from a panel of experts on TARP and ask questions about the legislation. As part of your webinar registration, you will receive the program materials plus special legal alerts prepared by the panelists.”

An attorney with a large law firm representing major investors will be talking on “Making Lemonade: Opportunities for Private Investors.” For $295 dollars you too can learn how to grab some of that taxpayer money for yourself. Added to the $6300 cost per American household for the $700 billion bailout, you’ll have to grab at least $6595 dollars from TARP to break even. Good luck!

So, our taxpayer misery is someone else’s “unprecedented opportunity!” I guess any hope that no one would try to take advantage of the crisis and “game” the system was just naive.